I'm 44. My sister is 48, or will be in October.
My mother is 70.
She still keeps secrets from us. She still swears our father to secrecy.
But we caught them today. And she was forced into confession before her children. She's been keeping a secret.
Because we "have too much on our plates".
We caught them only because a routine laparoscopic surgery went wrong, she was having reactions to something and excruciating pain. Because of these complications we discovered the truth. My mother is ill with an illness that can't be made better. And things that have happened in the past 5 years click now, make perfect sense, I have understanding of our parents' reactions to certain things. Like in 2010 when my father nearly died. He fought hard for life even when he had no strength left, but not because he was afraid of dying. He's never been afraid of dying. But because he was afraid to leave my mother. I knew that then. I even told her that when she was in a very fussy-about-him kind of mood.
I knew that then. I understand that now.
In sadness I look back at the past 5 years and know I would have done things differently had I known. I would have spent more time with both my parents, driven out to their house more, called them to just go hang out.
Wouldn't I have? I'd like to think so. I'd like to think that I can make the next 5 years more meaningful. And the 5 after that even more meaningful.
Heartache this way comes. But Truth has set me free. Truth from the secrets gives me knowledge, and knowledge gives me power. Power to improve myself, spend more time with my mother.
Funny thing is, all week long I have had the bridge from a song by Jeremy Camp running through my head over and over and over and over again, never stopping, always there. I never have a song in my head this constant.
"We will overcome
By the blood of the lamb
By the word of our testimony
Everyone .... overcome"
I haven't really been depending on the blood of my lamb much, my prayer life has faltered terribly ... BUT I have a TESTIMONY. And by that testimony I SHALL overcome, and I SHALL re-immerse myself in the Blood of Jesus Christ. There is my peace. There is my STRENGTH.
And I shall not keep secrets from my children. Truth is always better than what an imagination can come up with. Truth arms children to be BETTER children when heartache this way comes.