I've been thinking long and hard, and I have finally figured out what my problem is.
If I have few friends, I have only myself to blame for a frowny face nobody wants to be around. If my clothes are tight and lumpy, I have only myself to blame for not watching my intake and exercise. If I'm having marital issues due to lack of communication, like, and understanding, I have only myself to blame for not properly training my husband to talk to me, show how he likes me, and how to understand his wife. If I am unhappy with my position in my church, I have only myself to blame for having an incorrect attitude about how God's work goes forward and I sit at home on my fat butt. If I feel disconnected during worship service, and continuously ask only for the crumbs off the children's table, I have only myself to blame for not stepping out and getting what He is offering me.
And boy oh boy, have I been blaming myself. and blaming myself. and blaming myself. It's enough to make a grown girl cry. All the time. Family's getting a little tired of it, frankly.
My issue is me. My attitude. My constant desire to be someone other than myself.
I'm not a bad person. I may not be the cheeriest and most likeable ... no, I'm going to stop thinking that way. Extremely TIRED of crying and whining and being me. I'm so ready for a new me. The only way to get a new me is to MAKE a new me. I'm going to start with praise. I have much to praise and thank Him for. And I'm going to slide from praise right on into worship.
Praise is physical action - singing, clapping, waving my hands.
Worship is much deeper. Giving God Me.
And so I will get over me. By giving me away. It's time.